Speak My Peace

Some days I feel perpendicular to people.  Of course the line that represents me extends vertically because I am always reaching higher and others have a horizontal line going from side to side, back and forth with the same issues.  I realized that my path crosses with the paths of people that I know at a certain point and then we proceed to extend different ways.  To encounter another paralleled directed person is very rare.  One thing I did learn is that you cannot change the direction of one's path.  They have to realize by themselves that they are tired of going from side to side.

I am a blank canvas that people desire to paint a new story on, but I am not just any work of art.  I am left blank for the creation of a masterpiece.  That masterpiece will be the most beautiful thing you have ever seen.  As of now I am just picking out a palette of beautiful colors.  Some colors may be pastel and others may be bold and shiny like platinum, but when this creation is finished, everyone will be in awe.

 My Peace is very dear to me. It is the one thing that I have acquired through the control of my own destiny. Love is what was brought to me.  Love makes me smile.  Love is the vibe.  And Music is the exploitation of Peace & Love.

What Dreams May Come

Literature is a nice escape.  Sometimes life can be filled with so many facts swirling around my head, causing me to battle my mind for a sense of peace, a brief break will suffice.  Lately my books of choice have been nonfiction and informative.  I am now taking myself away from all of that to be rejuvenated and recharged while keeping my mind as sharp as vulgar language without all of the pain.  I only like books that take off from the beginning.  Slow beginnings kill me.  My book of choice is What Dreams May Come.  I suppose there is a movie similar. 

So far the book spoke about the content of death, its feelings and emotions.  The subject of death is eerie.  Some things you just won't know until you experience it.  Every story that I have heard about death always has that flashback of thoughts and past memories.  I wonder is that God's way of showing you your life before judgement day?  That is if any of those statements are true..... It's just a thought.  I am enjoying that vacation from the demands and worries of life.  It takes sacrifice and focus to be great.  Hopefully a little literature may ease the intensity.  Love u!

1st Love

I've restarted this sentence about five times already. Sigh.  I can't seem to translate my thoughts without telling a little too much.  Im not even sure if this particular issue is for anyone else to understand, but I'll give it another try (hopefully without restarting my sentence a million times).

Think of two loves that you have.  Two loves that are very dear to your heart.  Two loves that mean the world to you... not the kind of love where you cherish every single moment but the kind of love that you don't realize what they mean until they are ripped from you before you could even appreciate what was...........  Now think about those loves being taken from you.  It's been years and its still a shock.  I loved both dearly but one of those loves I just can't let go of and I don't think I ever will.  They both were snatched from me so quickly I often times question was it even real.  Do you have any memories that stick so tough it feels fresh but it was so long ago that it seems like it almost never happened?  Its hard to explain but I'll wait patiently for my love to return because I know it will.  Wont it?

One Person

Welcome back.  The people are blowing their party horns and throwing confetti, welcoming me with a pile of worries and strife. This has been one heck of a ride and I'm not wearing my seatbelt.  When this car crashes, I don't want to be stuck in my seatbelt, I want to be ejected from the car through the windshield so I can get up and leave the accident behind.  

People... Tearing the temple down people... curious and reckless people... observant emotionless people... lifeless, loveless, and damaged people.  These are the things I am surrounded with.  I am only one person, but one person can plant a seed.. and that seed can produce and fruitful tree of love and that fruitful tree will bear a million more seeds to be planted and cycle over again.  I am one person and I can plant that love.  Jesus Heals :)

First Mind

As of late I found out that second guessing is not my forte.  I tell myself 'always go with your first mind.'  I only have one mind anyways lol.  Every single time I second guess myself or listen to some other decision made off of impulse of emotion... its....WRONG!  I'm sticking to it and it's sticking to me :)  First mind to the resuuuuuuuueeeeeee!!!

Off-beat... Off-time... Off-love

Everybody is on their 1s and 2s and somehow I always seem to land on a 3.  It's amazing how my timing is always off.  God always directs me to where I just missed it (whatever "it" is).  But I don't see that as a bad thing.  My timing just might be the very thing protecting from somewhere I don't need to go.  He puts me in the right spot and when I mess up, He reroutes me to put me where I am supposed to be.  I appreciate all that He has done for me.  I love how when God has a will, there is nothing anyone else can do about it.  Our relationship is blossoming daily.  I never get bored with Him.  Jesus brought me a peace that I've never had before.  There's a calm inside of my fire.  I find a calm fire to be very off, but beautiful.  There is no competition.  I tried steering my life and I lost control of the wheel.  Just when I was about to crash... there He was to my rescue.  Jesus is my hero... no cape necessary :)  Im a little off beat and a little off time but it's all off love, the real kind.

Visions and Dreams... Picking Out the Weeds

I try not to get caught up in the "right now" or present time.  I try to prepare for the future.  School sometimes feels like a 4 year jail sentence, and you can get out early on good behavior LOL.  But I am taking this time to prepare for when I reach the "real world"... for me hopefully it will be the "real MUSIC world"!!! :)

It's so easy to get caught up in the desires of today and mess up the vision of tomorrow.  I have dreams and ambitions that are only out of reach if I let them be.  I start this process by surrounding myself with people that believe in me and not only push me but support.  Support is mental and emotional... it's inspirational.  Support are those very few people that keep you in their prayers and have enough heart to let God know they believe in what you are doing.  Support is them giving that call at a random moment just letting you know that they are there for you.  I don't want to bring myself down in any type of way so even when I want to be around "friends" and socialize, it's not the best business decision.  If your vision doesn't line up with mine then I must let you go.  Even if you aren't causing any harm, I still have to let you go because you aren't doing anything good... you are just occupying space in time in my journey. 

I know people who have good intentions but their intentions do not match their actions.  Until those people get that right then they will not be in my itinerary.  I have to pick out the weeds in my garden.  A garden cannot be beautiful if weeds come in and take over.  That's nothing special.  I don't water weeds, I water flowers.  I don't feed into things that don't match my vision... I care for the things that help make my dream into a life so real that feels surreal.