First Mind

As of late I found out that second guessing is not my forte.  I tell myself 'always go with your first mind.'  I only have one mind anyways lol.  Every single time I second guess myself or listen to some other decision made off of impulse of emotion... its....WRONG!  I'm sticking to it and it's sticking to me :)  First mind to the resuuuuuuuueeeeeee!!!

Off-beat... Off-time... Off-love

Everybody is on their 1s and 2s and somehow I always seem to land on a 3.  It's amazing how my timing is always off.  God always directs me to where I just missed it (whatever "it" is).  But I don't see that as a bad thing.  My timing just might be the very thing protecting from somewhere I don't need to go.  He puts me in the right spot and when I mess up, He reroutes me to put me where I am supposed to be.  I appreciate all that He has done for me.  I love how when God has a will, there is nothing anyone else can do about it.  Our relationship is blossoming daily.  I never get bored with Him.  Jesus brought me a peace that I've never had before.  There's a calm inside of my fire.  I find a calm fire to be very off, but beautiful.  There is no competition.  I tried steering my life and I lost control of the wheel.  Just when I was about to crash... there He was to my rescue.  Jesus is my hero... no cape necessary :)  Im a little off beat and a little off time but it's all off love, the real kind.

Visions and Dreams... Picking Out the Weeds

I try not to get caught up in the "right now" or present time.  I try to prepare for the future.  School sometimes feels like a 4 year jail sentence, and you can get out early on good behavior LOL.  But I am taking this time to prepare for when I reach the "real world"... for me hopefully it will be the "real MUSIC world"!!! :)

It's so easy to get caught up in the desires of today and mess up the vision of tomorrow.  I have dreams and ambitions that are only out of reach if I let them be.  I start this process by surrounding myself with people that believe in me and not only push me but support.  Support is mental and emotional... it's inspirational.  Support are those very few people that keep you in their prayers and have enough heart to let God know they believe in what you are doing.  Support is them giving that call at a random moment just letting you know that they are there for you.  I don't want to bring myself down in any type of way so even when I want to be around "friends" and socialize, it's not the best business decision.  If your vision doesn't line up with mine then I must let you go.  Even if you aren't causing any harm, I still have to let you go because you aren't doing anything good... you are just occupying space in time in my journey. 

I know people who have good intentions but their intentions do not match their actions.  Until those people get that right then they will not be in my itinerary.  I have to pick out the weeds in my garden.  A garden cannot be beautiful if weeds come in and take over.  That's nothing special.  I don't water weeds, I water flowers.  I don't feed into things that don't match my vision... I care for the things that help make my dream into a life so real that feels surreal. 

The Packages, The Obstacles & The Blind

 Nothing great in life comes easy.  It takes work, practice, and persistence.  Some people expect the ideal package. . . the perfect gift wrapped with a pretty bow.  But not all things great appear to be beautiful.  When u find a treasure, does the chest glow?  No its usually some old ancient dull looking wood with a rusty lock somewhere in the depths of the ocean with a skeleton laying next to it. . . 
 
The point I'm trying to make is, what people are looking for in life might not come with a pretty beautiful bow, it might just be a u-haul box with the goodies inside.  I listen to guys all the time pointing out the type of woman they want and where they would find her.  Quality is not in location nor looks... its in the heart.

What if that girl you were looking for was at a party just relieving stress and the girl studying had a booty call right after she was done?  What if the girl who appeared to be quiet and innocent was really the sneakiest thing on the planet??? What if the sweet girl was only sweet because she naive and hadn't been through anything and when she finally does, it shatters her personality and damages her heart to an intolerable point with no repair??? Stop looking for your package to appear a certain way and sort through the contents.  The girl you are looking for may just be at the party because she knows how to handle herself, or you just might see her often because her main goal is to network and not to leisurely socialize.  The girl you are looking for is true beauty, not the artificial kind.  Keep looking through these pretty little boxes and see how much treasure you will find.

Self Investment

Hello Fellow Bloggers and Believers

I've been away from my blog quite some time now but I had to get my head together... not that it fell apart but// you know what I mean. 

I've realized that there is a time where one needs to invest in one's self.  I've decided to stop throwing away my money and invest it in my future and most importantly pay my tithes.  Why only plant seeds with everything else but your pockets??? Makes no sense.

I am now filling in the dead air with melodic, elegant sounds in my life... getting the things that benefit me in the long run.  That's something that everyone should do... dreams are only as far as you make them or as distant as you place yourself should I say (well I did say lol)

This is just the start of my future... there is much more to come.  I'm going to keep my poker face and  business mind and not get too excited about things, just take the proper steps in order to maintain peace, retain love, and make beautiful music.

SINCERELY............... KIA RENEE :)

Im Listening

When He speaks... I listen.
It's something heavy because I've been feeling it since last week.
The leaves are dancing, the birds have gone away.
Im not afraid to suffer.
Jesus is on my side.

Blank Canvas

I would like to start this day off by thanking God for keeping me safe even at the times I put myself in danger.  My heart is a beast and will eat me alive for anything ungodly.  I could go without a shower for a week and it won't feel as dirty as speaking profanity.  I can roll around in maggots and will feel filthier for telling a lie.  I could be covered in spiders but that won't even come close to the feeling that I have if my Savior is not pleased with me. 

I look at myself as a blank canvas.  I have no kids, no husband, no boyfriend, hardly any friends, good health, I'm 20years old, no major health issues, and Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.  I have the potential to conquer anything, but potential will not make it alone.  I am a blank canvas.  What I paint on this canvas is up to me.  I would like to be colorful yet still pure.  I would like to be vivid and bright like the light that God gave me to shine.  As of late, I haven't been living up to my full Christian potential and I am putting an end to this now. 

Today was a very special day, but some things in my recent and late past has been tearing me apart and eating me up and I didn't even know until there was only a drop of my heart left.  I closed my heart to so many people.  I built yet another tower of grudges after God had helped me released the first batch.  I allowed the outside world to distort my inner thoughts and tamper with my heart.  But I've been watching God at work.  Every time I make a mess on this clean white canvas he gave me, he cleans it up for me and I have yet another chance to start again.  He has protected me from harm with His rejection.  I try to go one way and He builds up a big giant wall with red flags all around it saying WRONG WAY!  I listen and turn around but end up taking another path of wrong.  It's amazing how stubborn I can be.  But I am thankful to still be a blank canvas.  It's finally time to paint and I am picking my colors out wisely.  I've been listening and now I have to show what I've heard.  It is time to once again go back and never leave. 

I love Church of the Champions so much.  They believe, they love, and they restore.  I'm putting my heart back in the right place and opening it for business once again.  Love is now in full effect! I... AM... A... BLANK... CANVAS.